zoo!

*editor's note*
it's not like i need an excuse to cover my lack of posting, but in this instance it really is a case of 'the dog ate my homework!' i uploaded these pics a loooooong time ago, and finally had the time to write it up a few days ago. as i was finishing the post, i got error messages to the tune of 'blogger cannot be contacted, auto save disabled' or something like that. anyway, i was done so i just hit the 'post' button and off it went. or so i thought. i always check the blog right after to make sure the post is up and that it is where it's supposed to be. and when i checked, it was. the next morning, however, mommy came to me with a snide tone in her voice, inquiring as to the whereabouts of the post i had promised her. sure enough, it was gone. really gone. as in, NOWHERE. i still don't know where it went. lucky for me, my instincts whenever faulty technology is at work tell me to 'save!' and save i did. after some loud cursing i was able to restore the post, by basically constructing the thing all over again from the bits and pieces i had. but you don't care about any of that. you just want to see cute pictures and read about our trip to the franklin park zoo. it's not like it's that great or anything, anyway. you shouldn't be so impatient or excited. so, here you go.
*end editor's note*





ahhhhh, the new year! full of promise and potential! a metaphorical fresh start! well, if you thought you'd find me making some silly resolution involving the frequency with which i publish this blog, you'd be mistaken! no way am i that dumb! ha! instead i'll just say that there's a lot of stuff to get up, including ahemthanksgivingahem and of course pics from that other holiday.

if any of you can believe it, bebe gets smarter, cuter, and more terrific each day. just the other day she drove a quarter around the house in the back of her dump truck, then fed it a snack, saying "mmmmmm..." one of our new favorite words for her is "wacky," and she'll say to us "bebe- wacky!" another new trick from the other morning was to stand in one place and scream at the top of her lungs. not yell, but horror movie caliber shriek. then, she immediately looks at you and says "wow," or "whoa!" with a huge grin on her face. it's hilarious and awesome all on its own, but also because she knows she's being funny. she's so great, we're thinking of keeping her.

and i don't want to sound like some proud parent jerk-wad, but when mommy mentions here that bebe has over 250 words (it's actually in the upper 270's) what she fails to point out is that according to experts the average eighteen month-old can expect to use/have around twenty words. TWENTY WORDS. my kid has TWO-HUNDRED AND SEVENTY EIGHT. and these are words she uses regularly to communicate, not just any old word she's ever said once. if we counted those there would probably be another fifty at least. she also throws a mean hail-mary and can successfully sink putts with an ADULT SIZE GOLF CLUB from FIVE FEET OUT. my daughter fucking rules. there. i said it.

at any rate, here's the next post, a trip to the zoo in our neighborhood directly following our trip to DC. mommy said i'm so behind on my posts that i should just start over from today, but there's some cute stuff from the past eight weeks, ahem, so i'm going to mix in some older coverage with the newer coverage, starting today. so, without further words in french, off we go to the zoo!

it was probably thirty degrees warmer on this day than it is today, and we still felt cold.

the zoo has an awesome entrance with big foreboding statues of these giant human beings that are there to remind all of the animals inside that THEY are the captives and WE are the masters. dumb animals can't build statues of themselves to lord over lesser beings. get real! dumb animals.

first stop was at these dog things. i'm sure they have some super-scientific code name and stuff, but whatever. a zoo isn't for learning, it's for lording.

too bad they can't just put all the animals on a big zoo animal lazy susan-type thing. it would save us a ton of walking and when you spun it around fast enough you could watch all the animals throw up. in their natural habitats!

"daddy, that would be gross. and cool."

"oh, look. that one's eating the other one's poopsicle.wow."




a lot of the zoo was off limits because of some bad kevin james movie they were filming. it hasn't come out yet, so it may not actually be bad. har har har.

sticking it to the man. you can put up any sign you want, but you can't stop me.

it's the big house of bugs and birds and stuff!

let's go!

mmm... flying cockroaches!

and darkling beetles!

"hi there! welcome to the zoo!"

you know you're off to a bad start in life when there's already 'dung' in your name.

"hi. i'm a dung beetle."

see? it's just not fair.

around the corner from the bugs were the ducks. alphabetical, but illogical.

"hi! welcome to the zoo! i'm a duck, sitting on a representation of the naturally occurring plate-glass barriers from my native habitat. also, it smells in here! have a great time!"

dung bebe is not impressed.

zoos are a lot like planet earth itself. from far away it appears that there's a diverse group of individuals of all kinds, all living in one place, and it seems immense and brimming with possibilities. and the reality is that up close, it's just a big smelly place where all the inhabitants lazily shuffle from one place to another, entirely oblivious of their surroundings because to acknowledge them would be too depressing. wow.

but still pretty cool

...since most of us aren't able to see these animals in the wild, on account of how smart they are, in that when they see us coming to look at them they run away and hide. i guess they're afraid we'll put them in a zoo or something. dumb animals.

if you're going to recreate a habitat, wouldn't you at least make it look a little more appealing? hang some curtains or something, for crying out loud.

"help! help me!"

this is the lavender beeb. no cage can hold her, at least none we've found so far...

pictures of her often turn out blurry because like a hummingbird, she's never very still. she is also aggressive in her treatment of the camera. once she notices she's being observed she charges the camera, arms raised, with a predatory cry of "bebe! bebe!"

bebe, what are you doing?

"shhh! i'm trying out my new kangaroo call. ahem. awoooothpttttth! awoooooothpttth!"

holy crap, it worked!

it was a bright but cloudy day. one minute there would be blue skies, and the next it would cloud over.

having been spotted by the rare lavender beeb, i withdrew into the cover of the bushes.

"mommy, there's a man over there watching me from the bushes."
"bebe, that's your father."

"can you just ask him to come out? it's a little weird."

"now he's just gone farther in."

"bebe, just do what i do. learn to ignore him."

aha! feeding in the open! captured on film!

just as we made it to the zebra, he took a huge leak. it looked like mountain dew. bebe was psyched.

"can't i just eat in peace? mommy!"

"so embarrassing."


after the zebra, we went further up the food chain to the tiger's cage.

"rawr! lookitme! ima tiger!"



you tripped, didn't you.

"no one saw a thing. where were we?"

we were hoping to catch feeding time. i was looking forward to seeing some carnage.

"really, dude? isn't it enough that you harass your own kid while she eats?"



whoa, that tiger just talked to me!

"i'm so sure, daddy."

"ha ha ha, loser."

he just laughed at me!
"i'm sure you deserved it."

this was cool. it's a safari jeep that's "crashed" into the lion's den. you can climb in and sit at the wheel, which is actually inside the habitat.

"my driving instructor says i ride the clutch, but i just don't see any other way to back out of this incline!"

"how am i looking back there? do i have room?"

"oh, man, i stalled! where's the e-break? i give up."

even though we missed out watching the tigers have lunch, we could still catch the lavender beeb partake of her favorite meal- tofu.

"mommy, who is he always talking to?"

a view of the jeep from the opposite side of the habitat.

every fifteen minutes or so this guy would get up and roar.

"thanks folks. next show at half past the hour. i'll be here all week, tell your friends. and don't forget to tip your hostess."

"hey bill."

"hey frank."

yikes.

the gorilla was chill.

"wassup?"

"no, really. what's going on?"

lemurs: cool, but boring.
zoos would end up being a lot more interesting if they periodically, but randomly, zapped the animals with electricity or something. just sayin'.

towards the end of the zoo we were the only ones around. it was late in the day and getting dark. time to head home.

bye zoo! bye stone representations of man's superiority!