a heartbreaking work of staggering cuteness, then sadness.

but i'm going to start with the sadness first.

bebe is sick with her first-ever fever. starting some time around sunday afternoon, we noticed she seemed constantly on the verge of tears. if we asked her if she was okay, she would answer in her warbly, about-to-cry voice "I AM FINE! I AM FEELING REALLY HAPPY!" and then her little face would crumple before she made a quick recovery. i'm not sure what mommy was thinking, but i thought maybe she was feeling sensitive/fragile because we had been on her lately about the way she refuses to give her baby sister some space. any time eloise is on the floor, bebe is all over her. she's in her face giving her kisses and hugs, and it's all very loving, but there are only so many kisses to the eyeballs that a three month-old can take before she starts screeching. don't get me started on the crushing hugs.

so we had been warning her about this all weekend, and i thought maybe she was feeling a little sensitive. after a ton of screaming, which led to crying, we were able to get a temperature reading. from the way she was carrying on you'd think we were using the multi-pronged, razor-sharp anal thermometer from some medical horror movie. actually, it's one of those fancy, non-invasive ones that you slide across your forehead. note: for more accurate readings, remove the cap.

102.8 was the first reading, i think. after the swipe across the forehead she proceeded to collapse into a deep sleep on her momma's chest. we let her sleep, and once she awoke she snuggled with me for a bit and drank two big cups of orange juice, burped loudly into my face twice, which she thought was weakly amusing, and then proceeded to snuggle with each of us on and off. finally, at about ten minutes before we would normally begin her bedtime routine, she turned to mommy and said that she was ready for bed, that she was tired and that she didn't feel good.

god damn if i know how the parents of kids with cancer do it. i was on the verge of tears more than once as we snuggled and she complained about how bad she felt. her hot little body cradled in my arms and her quick, shallow breath was just about all i could take. and this was just a fever. no vomit, no sore throat (as of yet), just a fever. no cancer, just a fever. did i mention it was only a fever?

there are two things i really can't take: those little soy sauce packets from chinese take-out (they always make a mess!), and the french. just kidding.

i can't take any kind of violence or suffering to small children or animals. i just think that in instances involving animals or children, violence of any kind is not acceptable. in eighth grade, i knew a kid who stoned a stray cat to death, stuck a sharpened stick in it, and waved it around like a flag. i beat him up.

praise buddha we've been blessed with pretty good health in our families, and i hope that trend continues, forever. it's hard to believe that in the scummy, disease infested cesspools of playgroups we've yet to deal with a more serious cold than the sniffles, but i guess we've just been lucky. and the daily full-immersion bleach-baths help, i'm sure. mouth closed, bebe!

it's a difficult thing to be scared for someone else when that person is linked to you in a way no one else is. any parent knows this. the connection you have with your children is beyond any connection you will make with any other human being. and when your kids are sick, there's a fear in you unlike any other fear you'll ever experience. it doesn't have to be hysterical, it doesn't have to be on the surface. it's just a different kind of concern.

obviously i'm no expert and this is me thinking out loud about how it made me feel. you can each feel free to send me a bill for our therapy session, and i will feel free not to pay it. you're welcome.

mommy has a version of the fever story on her blog, with some great pictures from the first sick day. click here to check it out.

hopefully she'll be back to her old self soon and we can resume screaming at her for hovering too close to her sister instead of tip-toeing around her because she's sick. she's such a good kid.

and now, on to the cuteness part of our post!


on saturday, i had to go downtown to pick up something for my new camera (more on that shortly), and we decided to go to the library, take out some books, do some coloring, and then stop off at best buy on our way home. well, lucky for us i didn't just head to the customer pick-up area but instead opted to take a few minutes in the movies and games section on the third floor.

when we exited the elevator, we heard some strange noises coming from around the corner.

it sounded like musical instruments. there were guitars, keyboards, drums, and a little bit of singing. we followed the music to a stage area where an all-girl rock band was going through a soundcheck. bebe was mesmerized. i've never seen her so entranced.

these pics don't do the moment justice. i was using my tiny point-and-shoot so the quality on some of them is not so great, but they're the only ones i have. there are some that are a little blurry as well, but i included them anyway.

once the soundcheck was done, the girls left the stage and bebe turned to me with big, wide eyes. "are the girls coming back?" i don't know, i said. i think so, but i don't know when. "will they play more music?" yes. would you like to wait? "YES!" so we waited. for the better part of an hour we strolled the same aisles of the dvd dept, helping her baby "baba" practice walking, and eventually climbing, up the shelves of dvds.

after a long while they took the stage and began to tune up, playing parts of different songs as they did. baba was psyched, and started to dance:

we waited patiently for a few more minutes as a small crowd began to gather and they made an announcement over the store's PA that introduced the band. i have no idea what their name was.

seconds into their first song it became clear that while these girls all looked incredibly young, this was no garage band. i'd guess they were berkeley school of music freshman, and had each been playing a long time.


for the first three-four songs, beebs just stood there. people approached, stood and listened, and then moved on. some stayed longer than others, and as they continually blocked her view, she shifted patiently from one line of sight to another, always keeping some member of the band in sight.

this was her favorite spot, a direct line to the bass player. at one point in their set, some of the girls switched instruments, took turns singing or playing keyboards, and ran through a nice mix of covers- prince's purple rain, stevie nicks' white winged dove, and the kinks' you really got me (with 'boy' substituted for girl when applicable) were some of our faves. the originals weren't that bad, either.

by the middle of the performance, unprompted by me or anyone else, she began clapping at the end of each song. i even got some video of her dancing! she was totally loving her first ever rock show. i was so excited for her! as the daddy of two little girls it made me feel even better that the band was made up of "big girls," as bebe called them. if i'm lucky, they may have planted a seed in my daughter's head that will bear fruit a la the partridge family, later on down the line. mommy plays a mean triangle...

catching the last song from the best seat in the house! WOO-HOO!