The birthday girl got fancy:
we have a saying in our house when it comes to dressing up eloise- she's a boy in a dress. what's ultimately funny about this is that until we put her in the dress, she looks like a girl to us. but once a dress is on, any dress, she instantly looks like a little dude. well, i don't know if it was the fact that she turned one, or finally learned to accessorize properly with these shoes(say it with me ladies- an over-accent is a descent. a proper accent is decent. i just made that up. aw, snap. yo someone from vogue give me a call.), but when she came out all dressed up, she was, for the first time, trying to use as many commas as possible, a girl, in a dress.
unfortunately, as is often the case, the shoes were great looking but essentially non-functioning (why do women put up with this bullshit? can we get someone aside from the misogynist patriarchy to start designing women's shoes? someone, like, oh, i don't know, a woman? who likes other women and being a women? or who at least has a foot fetish or something? work with me, people). she got two steps at most before crashing to the floor. get those off!
the dog is out(who let the dog out? woof! woof! woof, woof!):
the stage is set:
the guests had arrived, and just in time! otherwise teek would have sat there unabashedly showing off his grandbaby to no one in particular. luckily, don and ingrid were there to bask in his glow:
except for wanting to teach the girls golf, he's a great granddad. on the other hand, if one of those kids can get a spot on the LPGA tour and win some cash for daddy, i'll be laughing from the other side of my face. all the way to the bank, but still.
did someone say cake?
a birthday picture of eloise that bebe painted just seconds before donning her party hat.
eloise was blatantly afraid of her special hat, mostly due to the fact that the first time mommy tried to get it on her she snapped the elastic nice and hard against elo's neck waddle. youch. subsequent attempts to get the hat to stay on, even if just for a picture where she wasn't crying, were fruitless. in fact, we've probably instilled in her a fierce and proper fear of hats of any kind. fast forward twenty years or so:
boyfriend- eloise? eloise what's the matter?
eloise- sobs uncontrollably in front of the holographic 3-D surround-o-vision set(it's the future, after all).
boyfriend- eloise, someday will you tell me why watching baseball makes you so upset?
eloise- *sob* it's all those hats! it all goes back to my first birthday... *sniffle*
buuuuut, one person's tragedy is another person's triumph:
and then, it was time for the cake. up until this point, we'd really only let eloise chew on the carpet, or suck on old rusty nails and stuff. nothing sweet or sugary.
a little help with the candle from big sister. honestly, the baby can tell you how old she's turning (she holds up one finger if you say- eloise! how old are you! note: it's important to both yell AND catch her by surprise for this to work), but the concept of forceful outward breath escapes her. maybe she will be a jock.
the Dog Days are over! ladies and gentlemen, the eagle has landed! that is, if the eagle were a cake, and it meant to be destroyed by a whole lot of saliva, about five teeth, and a fast pair of grabby-hands. without further frenchness, i give you- CAKE, cue the 2001 theme music (Thus Spake Zarathustra, for all you sound nerds)!
paul sorvino? steven van zandt? sly stallone (younger, of course)? about a million others?
that's totally a paul sorvino.
"well. all done! that was-"
"wait a second-"
"what's this? c'mere you..."
"ah yeah. there it goes. delicious. NOW it's all gone."
"IT'S ALL GONE! IT'S ALLLLLLLL GOOOOOONE!"
"lucky for me, i put a little bit behind me ear for just such an occassion as 'no more cake.'"
"right where i left it."
(cory feldman, by the way)
HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY, ELOISE!
more to come...