i'm really behind on posting. the problem with posting so much, each post, is that when one or two posts get held up, it's not just a matter of two mere posts being late. because each of those posts contains between thirty or forty pictures, and it's not like i just throw them up or anything.
and then there's life. or lack of. where the weeks run into one another and consist of wake, work, an hour at most with my daughter, dinner, bed. repeat. it feels like my (our) life right now is all about choices and concessions. there's only so much money so we budget. there's only so much time so we budget. and the money choices, for me, are the easier of the two to make. there may be lots of things i want, but there's little i need and i can deal with going without. occasionally i'm reminded of how crappy it can feel to be poor, but for the most part i don't need a lot of money to live, and i already own plenty of crap- i should be getting rid of stuff, not buying more.
time, on the other hand, is a real bitch. what the hell am i doing with my time? i have little creative projects that nag at me here and there. time with bebe. time with the wife. time for myself. i'd like to sit down and watch a movie from beginning to end, but two hour chunks of time don't come cheap. time costs. it costs other things one might do with that time. like sleep. for instance, i might have two hours total free time a night, but it's like buying tickets to a red sox game at the last minute. you may be able to get two tickets, but forget about sitting together. so it is with free time. fifteen minutes here, an hour there...
unless i'm willing to pay for movie time with sleep time. i stay up late to get a movie in all at once, i pay for it the next day when my ass is dragging at work. and that's only if i can stay up late enough to watch the whole thing anyway. i already fall asleep on the trains on the way home- one of these days i'm going to wake up and not know where the hell i am.
so, i may get the movie in. that's worth +10 quality of life points. but i can't concentrate at work the next day and feel miserable. that's -10 QLP. back to zero i go. in fact, that little plus/minus equation is pretty much where i'm living right now. i spend all week getting my brain sucked out at work, and all weekend putting it back in. only to spend another week getting it sucked out again. back to zero.
i don't actually assign QLP points to anything, nor do i spend any amount of time feeling sorry for myself or keeping score. but it's also hard to ignore the fact that i can put my head down, keep doing what i'm doing, and not get anywhere.
i'm not really sure where i'm going with this. it started out as an excuse and now i'm not sure what it is.
ultimately, life is good. bebe is awesome, and me and the ol' lady struggle with things here and there, but there are some really beautiful moments every day- they just (almost) never involve the internet. so what i'm saying, and i'm sure i'm saying this more to myself than any of you, is that maybe there will continue to be lots of posts, or maybe there'll be weeks of nothing. but now that i've had a chance to make this big excuse, i'm sure i'll have no problem what so ever getting near-daily posts up for the next month. life is funny.
i hate it when a blog i follow doesn't update every thirty seconds or so, so i guess i'm just feeling a little self-conscious about how erratic posts are here.
one other thing to consider is that bebe is now walking and interacting with her world in ways that are much more demanding from a parent's perspective. in the old days we could go out and i could easily manage her with one hand while holding a camera in the other. now it's two hands on the baby, and i could really use a third sometimes. it's great because she's way more interesting these days, but all that new stuff she can do means it's much harder to document all of it, for all of you. i'm not giving up, but it's worth mentioning.
so there you go. i do have a bunch of pics to post from last week/weekend, and some from this weekend that i'll get up this week. i'll probably do some tonight, instead of going to bed early. so it goes...